im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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