Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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