some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
