david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
