I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
