Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
