I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
