I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
