what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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