big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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