I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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