I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
