I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
