i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
