Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
