so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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