her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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