38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
