When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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