She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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