i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
