My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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