We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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