I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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