Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
