your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
