I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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