if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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