As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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