Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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