dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
