Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
