She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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