i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize