thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
