Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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