just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
