Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
