Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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