Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
