I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
