His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
