yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
