Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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