She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
