she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
