I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
