My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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