I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
