My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
