Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
