I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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