Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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