OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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