do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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