1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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