somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
