I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
