WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
