yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
bring money and cleavage
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize