grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The best revenge is premature balding
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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