There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Green mimosas i think yes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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