i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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