Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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