She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
