you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
