Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
