I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
