i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
