Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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