Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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