This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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