yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
