I look better un-naked...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize