The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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