I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
