She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
