Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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