just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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