I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
