Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
