I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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