i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
