both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
