just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
