I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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