So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
